New beginnings…a new year and a new website January 16, 2026

I love new beginnings. Always have. As a child I loved the start of a new school year. There were many things I loved about it, but most of all, it was the hope that this time I would get it right and be a good student. Inherent in hope is the promise and possibility of something better.

It might be argued that the term “new beginning” is redundant. After all, aren’t all beginnings new? Yes and no. As is true for most human beings, I have always carried some version of an “ideal” self and life to which I aspired. The catch is that this ideal vision of our lives is ever elusive. It’s like grabbing water. Largely it just seems to slip through our fingers. Yet, most of us plow on again and again. We don’t give up.

Any beginning is always new in that it represents yet another effort on our part to achieve this ideal to which we aspire. And it is not new because that which we are seeking, this “ideal” vision we have is one we have carried for many years in one form or another. I recall a conversation with a friend in which I was discussing a personal issue that I was working on, and she said, “but you’ve talked about this before.” “Of course,” I responded. “I’m trying to understand it at a new and deeper level.”

Any new effort is grounded in the past. It is rooted in our old attempts at “getting it right.” And it is our old attempts, with its mix of mistakes and successes, that provide the fertile soil for our new efforts. In that sense, the “new” beginning is, in some respects not new at all. Rather it is a continuation of our ideal vision, and that vision is evolving. It’s changing.

Thus, what’s old is new and what’s new is old. We are not meant to let go of the ideal vision we hold for our lives. Rather, we must learn the lessons from those efforts that worked and those that didn’t. We learn from all of it and try again in new ways. We can’t just keep hitting the escape key time and time again and expect something different. We are required to find a new way toward the dream. We are required to find a new beginning. And we are required to change.

Making Choices February 2, 2026

It is after midnight, and as usual I am awake. As I awoke, I was thinking about the day I had yesterday, a hard one emotionally. I acknowledged to myself that “I need help.” I whispered the words out loud, and then I smiled with pleasure that I actually said them. In the past, those three little words were very difficult for me because I held mostly unconscious beliefs such as the following: I don’t deserve help. I’m meant to do everything myself. And, finally, there are so many people that have it so much worse, I shouldn’t be whining about my pathetic troubles.

Those beliefs were so deeply buried and held that it took decades for me to recognize and unpack them for a deeper understanding of this difficult journey called life. Thus, it feels good to finally be able to say them without any hesitation or shame. Those words, “I need help,” are some of the most powerful words that reflect our basic humanity. We need other human beings.

We are all different, of course, in what our specific needs are, and in the character and extent of those needs. We are different in our capacity to understand them, express them, and most of all, perhaps, to address them in our journey toward resolution of them. Hopefully, there are people around us who won’t judge us, and even more importantly, hopefully, we will not judge ourselves for having needs. Needing does not equal helplessness.

I have struggled mightily in the past few years with health issues. In the course of trying to understand them and discover the resources and options for addressing them, I have come up against a medical system that offers only pills and procedures that seem more dangerous than the particular health issue itself. One of my many flaws is that I don’t want to see what is in front of me. Here are a few examples: I have failed to recognize that a relationship or a job is toxic. I have failed to acknowledge that I needed help. And most serious of all, I have failed to recognize that I was asking a person or a situation to be what it or they were not and could not be.

When the medical system seemed so blind and unhelpful, I was frustrated and angry. My flaw of not wanting to see things as they are reared its ugly head. I felt trapped. Finally, I realized I was asking that system to give me what it did not have and is not meant to be. Its practitioners are trained to treat the symptoms of illness, not its underlying causes. I don’t want pills for symptoms. I want to root out the underlying dis-ease, if you will.

Thinking about underlying causes is not how allopathic medical professionals are trained. They are trained to use symptoms to identify diseases and then having made a diagnosis, they are taught to find the best solution out of an array of pharmaceutical and surgical options. It is not designed to address underlying causes of a health problem. Thus, I had a choice to make.

This is a spiritual matter, of course. My beloved spiritual father, Dr. Jehangir Chubb, taught me that all of life is spiritual practice. All of it. Yes, everything. And spiritual practice is about saying “yes” and “no.” That is, it is about making choices. When I was able to recognize my resistance to seeing the medical system for what it is, and to let go of the illusion that it could help me in the particular way I wanted to be helped, I was then free to look for other, more promising, options.

Soon, I have an appointment with a naturopathic doctor. I no longer expect the medical system to be other than what it is. It has its place, of course, but it is not what is needed at this time in my journey toward better health. It is liberating to see that, and yes, to say it out loud. Even more, however, it is freeing to let go of the “fight,” which I really don’t need. It is a waste of energy. And, let me hasten to add, it was a “fight” of my own creation.

Physicists and mystics tell us that everything is energy. The failure to see a thing as it is causes disharmony in the flow of energy. My “fight” with the medical system created negative energy. Thus, I say “no” to the unnecessary fight, and “yes” to a more promising path. I need help. And I vow to keep looking until I find the right wells from which to drink. (see Resources documentary “Heal”)

The Examined Life February 3, 2026

I have long-held an ideal vision of myself and my life where I reach a point in which I have “arrived.” In this yearning, I am that ideal vision. To be honest, however, if my real self, a tattered self, could be seen, the ideal vision would seem possibly comical, and certainly would not be even vaguely resemblant of who I really am. The problem is that whether I like it or not, I am me. And all the pretending, the dissembling, and performance art in the world cannot hide that fact, especially from myself.

This is true for all of us, and there is nothing wrong with this. We are who we are, not in some simplistic fashion (fill in here with whatever your favorite adjectives are to describe yourself). Rather, we are individually and collectively wonderfully kaleidoscopic, ever-changing and exquisitely complicated. There is, of course, a core self that is truly who we are, and it is my experience that the real quest in life is to discover that Self. It is our truest Self. We all have two selves: we have a lower self and a higher Self.

Our vison of the ideal is what we think is our real Self. However, that ideal vision is largely fashioned out of our ego, and for better or worse, our ego often leads us astray. The ego with all its wants, needs, and demands drapes a gauze over our eyes and hearts that prevents us from seeing clearly. In order to minimize the gauzy filter, we must work at removing it from our vision. The ego has its place, of course, however, it need not run the show.

The task of removing the gauze requires great effort. It is a task of conscious and intentional self-examination. What is required for each individual depends on where they are in their development and circumstances. The effort we make must be based on our capacity and resources. If someone is on fire, they do not need a pamphlet on fire safety (see well-intentioned people offering simplistic solutions). If for example, one is suffering from severe depression or any other emotional distress, one’s energy is required to be directed largely toward that issue.

Therefore, we must first examine clearly and bravely “Where am I? How am I getting in my own way? And what do I need?” I wish I could say “here’s how you do it.” However, one of the hardest lessons I had to learn in my life, is that only I can recognize what actually works for me. It is good to examine options, but each of us must judge for ourselves what makes sense in our lives at any given time.

 I once knew a man who was leading a miserable dissolute life. He said he arose on yet another morning with a hangover following a night of drugs and alcohol. He said he stood before the bathroom mirror and looked long and hard at himself, asking the question “Is this who I really want to be and how I want to live?” Just as he had to answer to himself, so do we all have to answer to ourselves. And as most of us know, we are our own fiercest critic. We must face ourselves, however and one of the most courageous acts any of us can do is to comb through our own lives and learn about our innermost fears and longings. Our ideals are not an end point. They are the foundation of a lifelong journey. (see Soundbites, “Love is the only reality,…James Baldwin; Resources The Velveteen Rabbit and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs)

Life Happens February 18, 2026

As you may have noticed, I’ve been “away” from blog posts, and some explanation is perhaps useful. Even though I don’t know you, the reader, you are in my mind and in my heart. Right now, because this blog is so new, the relationship seems entirely one sided, even though I know it is not. I recall when the war in Ukraine first began, I watched an interview with a woman who lived in Kyiv. The interview occurred in her kitchen and I noticed that she had the same tea kettle on her countertop that I have on mine. Every time I boil water for a cup of tea, I think of her and wonder how she is doing. I feel connected to her in some small way. So, even though I cannot see you, I do.

What I am about to say, I know you know and understand, unless “you’re” a bot. If you are human, you know full well that regardless of your “plans,” sometimes life intervenes. Well, my recent absence was as a result of life intervening, and here are some of the ways it did:

1.There were health issues that were challenging and required no small amount of my time and energy. 2.Though I have some reasonably decent computer skills, I rely heavily on Kim Thore, web designer, who helps me with the web design and understanding how to use the website. Quite frankly, I am still on a fairly steep learning curve, and there have been some technical problems that sometimes require us to meet in person. My health issues and the weather impeded that. 3.Then there were relentless rounds of ice and snow that prevented even Amazon and the post office from making it to my door. Thus, life happened to my plans.

I have written previously about the ego with all its demands, and my ego was pretty upset (such a mild word, isn’t it?) that life was “getting in my way.” I felt helpless and irritated, and neither feeling is constructive.

With all these things going on, some beyond my control and others by choice, I retreated. Retreats I make are never “inactive,” though it might look like it to an outside observer. Rather they are for me, someone profoundly introverted, a period of time during which I go to the cave of my being and tend the fires, stir the ashes and the embers to try to understand what’s cooking inside me.

When I use the word “understand,” I do not mean it to imply thinking about it, though, of course, some thinking happens. Rather, I simply try to center myself to the extent possible, and observe what’s going on without judging or trying to “do construction” on matters. In short, I try to remove the gauze and simply see and be with what is. So that is where I’ve been, and I hope you will bear with me when life happens, because it always does.

The Ego Confronted   February 23, 2026

Our ideals are the foundation of our lives. The fact that they are “ideals,” however does not imply that they are necessarily desirable. This is because whenever the ego is involved, and it almost always is, we should be skeptical of ourselves. If one’s ideals are to dominate and control, then already a negative energy is there. For the sake of this discussion, however, let’s dispense with such obvious deviations from the ordinary meaning of the word “ideal” that most of us hold.

Let’s examine the concept and action of love. Though I was raised in the Christian tradition, I do not practice nor hold to any religion. My understanding is that love, compassion, and charity are at the heart of most religious and spiritual practices. One of the stumbling blocks experienced in my own life, is when my “ideal” vision of myself runs up against the realities of this life I live. What I am trying to say is best illustrated by one of my favorite Peanuts comic strips: It is a conversation between Lucy and Linus in which Lucy challenges Linus that he doesn’t love mankind. Linus’ retort is, “I love mankind, it’s people I can’t stand!” (Charles Schulz, November 12, 1959)

The ideal of love may be unconditional, but the lived reality is usually a negotiated deal. Like Linus, we love mankind, or humankind to use less sexist language, but we are not so fond of many ordinary human beings. The ego wants to negotiate what is included in our requirement to love one another. An ideal of unconditional love is hard to live up to. Because our ego wants to see itself as perfect and good, we are reluctant to recognize those aspects of ourselves that don’t measure up. A mother, a devout Christian with two young boys, shared a story about a conflict that erupted between the brothers. She was having a serious discussion with the older one and asked him, “What do you think Jesus would do?” The child answered honestly, that Jesus would let the younger brother go first (or whatever the debate was). “So,” asked the mother, “What do you think you should do?” Without hesitation, the older brother suggested, “Well, let him be Jesus this time and I’ll be Jesus next time.”

We human beings can be very subtle in how we stretch the limits of our commitment to our ideals. Years ago, I knew someone who saw herself as a generous and loving person. However, as we were checking out at the cash register after our lunch at a local cafe, there was a sign by the register asking for donations to a tip jar for the person running the register. As we walked away, my friend said, “I’m not tipping someone for just standing there and taking money!”

While it was certainly her prerogative to not tip the cashier, her thinking entirely disregarded that fact that the young person, likely a college student, had no opportunity to increase her income as servers do. Money was not the issue for my friend.  Rather it was some egoistic sense that tipping should include a service from which she directly benefited regardless of circumstances. The reason for sharing this story is not to demean anyone. It is an example of how easily our ego can rationalize a deviation from our ideals. To hold ideal visions of ourselves, to want perfection, is to require close self-examination of how we’re doing.

What kind of report card do we give ourselves? Do we grade ourselves on that basis of absolutes? Do we grade on a curve? Or, as many people do, we don’t even bother examining how we’re doing. The answer for anyone who is serious about their life and how they live it, is that to the best of our ability, we must be willing to practice self-examination. We must be observers of ourselves and the world around us. This self-examination is not for the purpose of judging ourselves or others. It is simply a way to, whenever possible, to remove more of the gauze from our eyes and our hearts about who we really are.

There are no words March 1, 2026

I wish there were words to offer. There are none. My heart is full and words fail me. How to address the darkness in a way that softens the blows? How to address the pain of so much human suffering and mutual destruction? I can only fall back in silence as I am all out of new words to express shock and horror. And though I have no words to assuage our souls, I hold us all individually and collectively in The Mother’s Love. It was said of her that “A wide compassion leans to embrace the earth’s pain.” Let us be more determined than ever to open ourselves to Love and Compassion, even when, as now, it seems so far away. Namaste (I greet the one in you.)